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When we are knee-deep in our cycle of binge eating, dieting, and/or disordered eating, it's only natural to assume that the problem is food. Or eating.

Like if "I could just stop eating" or "if I could just find the perfect diet," I'd be good.

Maybe I need to remove sugar for the rest of my life. Yeah, that's the answer.

Or maybe I just need to count my macros. Or, well, actually, maybe it's the Keto diet that will fix my problems with food.

BUT..., the thing is... there is no right way of eating that will solve this. And there is no perfect diet either.

Because food and eating are not where your problem really lies.

If that were true, then why do we need food to survive?

And what's the deal with the "normal eaters" in your life who seem to eat an amount of food that makes sense for their body size and activity level and eat whatever foods sound appealing to them at any given time? With ease, like it's no big deal...

How about that friend of yours who can enjoy a single cookie and then put a metaphorical period at the end of that experience?

They don't end up feeling the guilt and shame that results in eating the entire box really fast while no one is looking. They are not trying to control themselves from eating everything in sight.

It's not the food itself because they have the same access to food as you do.

So what's the difference between you and the normal eaters in your life?

It's not they are eating differently or have found the perfect diet. Rather they are thinking differently about food.

They have a totally different mindset and context for food. They are not stuck in the "diet mentality." (more on this here, here)

It's our mindset and thought process that gets us so tripped up.

What thought patterns of yours lead to disordered behaviors with food?

xo C

Binge Eating Recovery Resources

  • To learn more about the non-diet approach to healing your relationship with food, check out my free video training series HERE.

  • You can also check out my podcast, Love Your Bod Pod, on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.

  • Lastly, you can also check out my books, or online course.

I used to think that the only way for me to be happy and at peace was to make my body look a certain way.

But no matter what I did, the icky feelings I was trying to avoid by changing my body weren’t going away.

And that’s because it wasn’t actually about what my body looked like.

And that’s the good news.

Because we all know how much time, money & energy goes into trying to control our body & weight.

It’s exhausting. And often, it’s never enough.

If positive body image really was a function of making our bodies look a certain way then that means we would have to spend the REST OF OUR LIVES fighting against & trying to control our body just to feel okay, because our body will continue to change as we age!

So it’s good news that that’s not what we actually have to do to heal our body image.

And I hope that brings you some sweet relief.

But you might be wondering, well what's the "bad" news?

If changing my body won't heal this, then what will?

Time for some realness:

Hating our body is a defense mechanism we’ve been trained into basically since birth.

Because dieting and body shame is SO normalized (& even encouraged) in our culture, we’re often unaware that we turn to attacking our bodies (and trying to change them through dieting) as a way to comfort ourselves from the pain we experience in life.

Instead of dealing with my fear of not being enough, the heartbreak from loss I experienced or the pain from feeling negated growing up, I just zoomed in on my cellulite and round tummy and made that the problem. I thought that if I just firmed up my butt and got a six pack everything would be okay.

In this way, our bodies become metaphors for everything that’s wrong in our lives,

they become the scapegoat for the real issues.

And instead of feeling & dealing with uncomfortable emotions & situations we attack our body and make that the problem that needs to be fixed.

Hating our body is an avoidance strategy.

Since our culture is cruel and stigmatizing towards fat bodies, it's easier to think we have a weight problem, than address things like feelings of inadequacy, fear, anxiety, loneliness, rejection, shame or guilt.

Whether we're conscious of it or not, we think changing our body will protect us from these uncomfortable emotions, and it gives us a false sense of control over our lives. We've been conditioned to believe: perfect body --> perfect life.

But we all intellectually know that thinness will not protect us from experiencing pain. It's an unavoidable reality of being human.

So the answers to repairing your body image are not on the other side of weight loss, they are on the other side of some tough & confronting questions:

Questions like...

What am I trying to avoid dealing with by fixating on my weight?

What am I distracting myself from by obsessing over my food?

What deeper discomfort is my body hatred a representation of?

And what is it costing me in my life to live in avoidance of what's really going on?

While we all need coping mechanisms in life, I encourage you to find more compassionate, loving and effective ways to deal with pain and discomfort then dieting and hating your body.

When we finally stop making our body the problem, we can get to the root of the issues and truly do the honest work necessary to heal our body image.

Which will change your life.

So it isn't really bad news after all, is it?

xo C

Body Image Recovery Resources

  • To learn more about the non-diet approach to healing your relationship with food, check out my free video training series HERE.

  • You can also check out my podcast, Love Your Bod Pod, on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.

  • Lastly, you can also check out my books, or online course.

Back when I was just 14 years old, gearing up to start high school, I remember reading a tabloid magazine flooded with pictures of celebrities.

In typical tabloid fashion, they were not discussing the actress’s accolades, accomplishments, or intelligence. Who would care to read about that, right? That doesn’t sell magazines.

They were talking about their cellulite.

You know…, those naturally occurring body dimples that grace the legs of most women on planet earth?

But my young porous sponge-like, teenage brain did not know this. I assumed that cellulite made you a bad, disgusting person who would be the laughing stock of anyone who was aware you had cellulite.

I learned a lesson that day that many girls learn: to be valuable you must look a certain way.

That message was continually reinforced by the world around me so I internalized it and made it my truth.

I went straight to the bathroom where I had a full-length mirror and stripped my bell-bottom jeans off; I was wearing a navy blue pair of undies with light blue paisley flowers on them from the Gap. I loved this specific pair.

I turned around, butt-towards-mirror, and began to investigate.

I poked, I pinched, and I jiggled to see if I jiggled in the “right way.”

Did I have any of that god-awful cottage cheese on my thighs that US Weekly was making fun of?

I think I saw a little under my butt.

My heart sank.

Oh fuck. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. I better get rid of this.

This triggered a chain reaction of micromanaging my body, known as Body Monitoring by researchers.

I slowly began walking down the road of self-objectification; seeing myself not as a whole person, but as an object that is on constant display for others to judge and critique.

And as a result, pieces of my awareness were now always dedicated to making sure I was sucking in enough, that my hair was looking good, and that the pimples on my face weren’t showing.

It eventually snowballed into a big hairy, people-pleasing problem known as an eating disorder and it took over my life.

Like it does the lives of so many.

Almost by definition, if you are born a girl you will be judged based on your level of “nice-to-look-at-ness.”

Sadly, it makes women feel like they are held hostage by other people’s opinion of the way they look. Never to be fully acknowledged for everything you can offer if you can’t first offer up thinness and beauty.

And it is a HUGE distraction and absolute bullshit.

Countless women dedicate a large portion of their cognitive resources to body monitoring, pursuing thinness, and obsessing over what they eat.

But here is the thing ladies…

The world needs you to snap out of it.

It needs your intelligence, your compassion, your bravery, your creativity, your ingenuity, your gifts.

It does not need a tight ass, firm thighs, a flat stomach or perky tits.

You were not given a body to be looked at. You are not an ornament for the male gaze or here to appease your mom who won’t shut up about your “weight problem.”

You were given a body to create change, to lean into life, and make the world a better place.

When we are stuck in the mirror of our minds, scanning our body for imperfections, we are not out in the world making a difference.

And you know and I know, our minds have way more important places to be.

But we’ve been lied to.

If you take anything away from this today, let it be this:

Your worth and capacity for a fulfilling life as a human is not based on the appearance of the earth suit your soul inhabits.

You have inherent worthiness, god-given enough-ness, and all the love inside of you that you could ever need.

The world needs you to embrace yourself with a crapload of compassion and a shit ton of love.

The world needs you to come alive, to set your soul on fire and do what it is you want to do when you are no longer trying to be thin and pretty.

The sooner we learn to accept and respect our body, the sooner we can yes-up and love-up what wants to be yessed-up and loved-up in our lives.

Be a rebel. Stop hating your body.

From my heart to yours.

Xo Cara

Binge Eating Recovery Resources

To learn more about the non-diet approach to healing your relationship with food, check out my free video training series HERE.

You can also check out my podcast, Love Your Bod Pod, on Apple, Spotify or wherever you listen to podcasts.

Lastly, you can also check out my books, or online course.

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